


i felt so close (but you were far away)

by emmalauren



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, anyway, anyway Good Luck, fills in the blanks between the finale and the epilogue and then we'll go a little further, here's my makeshift spy's goodbye, like very little relationship angst, lots of fluff, not really a fix-it fic but there'll probably be a few corrections, ok too many relationships to tag, the finale kind of broke me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25884415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmalauren/pseuds/emmalauren
Summary: Their last mission is done - Fitzsimmons has a kid, Mack and Yoyo are at SHIELD, May's at the Academy, Coulson's on a sabbatical, and Daisy is drifting, lost. But can the promise of family help her find solid ground?or fill-in-the-gaps between the finale and epilogue and a little bit beyond them (shameless dousy fluff)
Relationships: Alphonso "Mack" Mackenzie/Yo Yo Rodriguez, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons, Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa
Comments: 23
Kudos: 171





	1. the missing part of me

**Author's Note:**

> hi this show was never supposed to mean this much to me but it did oopsy  
> the finale kind of sort of totally broke me  
> but i LOVED IT  
> consider this some fill-in-the-gaps  
> total aos spoilers oops
> 
> HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY ITS NEARLY MIDNIGHT AND MY CONTACTS ARE FALLING OUT

Daisy’s entire body hurts. It’s not even the usual full-body bruise pain that comes after a mission - it’s just a thinly veiled sting that lives just below her skin. There’s the cut on her cheek from their first time on the Chronicom vessel that was never seen to, her nose throbs from when Nathaniel had head-butted her, and her legs and back feel weak even as she lies still on the floor. 

The pain is just masked by the adrenaline - Kora is only a few feet away, Daisy can feel that much even with her eyes closed, but they haven’t spoken since she’d brought Daisy back. Daisy hasn’t spoken at all. There’s a tingly sensation almost like pins and needles crawling up and down her skin, and it feels the exact opposite than it had when Jiaying had drained her life away, in what feels like another lifetime. Maybe now, after everything, it truly was. There’s almost too much energy, and if Daisy could muster the strength to lift her arm, she might have quaked, but even that feels like a massive feat at this point. 

She can feel the reassuring rumble of the Zephyr as they reenter the atmosphere - May and Coulson are whispering back and forth by her head, and Mack is piloting the ship back to the Lighthouse. Through the fog and pain and confusion, Daisy can feel Coulson stroking her hair, almost absentmindedly, and it's nice. It’s also awful, all at once. 

There’s the same ache that comes after every ‘apocalypse’ mission, but its as if someone had hooked the feeling up to some sort of emotional amplifier. She’d felt it for the first time after Ward’s betrayal. It had come again, stabbing like a thousand tiny knives after Lincoln’s sacrifice. After the Framework, it had been so painful, so unbearable, Daisy had genuinely thought she was going to die. It had been exacerbated then by the emptiness in Mack’s gaze, the pain in Simmons’ eyes as she gazed after Fitz, everyone in the team with their one true desire exposed and then ripped away like the world’s worst Band-Aid. 

Now, however, it feels as if Kora had restarted everything except her heart. Her mother was gone, Deke was in another universe, and while they’d managed to save the world from certain annihilation, it was the last time they would ever be a team. Both Fitz and Enoch had confirmed that much. Daisy’s eyes are still closed, but she can feel the tears leaking out, falling to the cold floor of the Zephyr bay beneath her. It’s almost like she’s back in her van again, the last decade some sort of hopeless fantasy. It hurts more than she thought anything ever could. 

She refuses to even think of Sousa - even before she had been Skye, Daisy had given up hoping for ‘happily ever after,’ but any part of her that harbored any last maybe had been crushed as she had grown. Without even willing it, her mind goes to Ward first. 

Ward had seemed to care so much - in fact, he had loved her, Daisy knew. Just not in the way she could have ever lived with. The foundation of herself now, the basis on which she had become a SHIELD agent had been because of Ward. He had protected her in another lifetime, but then he was HYDRA, and Hive, and the star of every nightmare that had her screaming herself awake. The Framework had made everything 10 times worse - every dream of hers where Ward could have been better, different if only someone else had come knocking, had been confirmed. Grant Ward had an unrivaled capacity for passion and loyalty, and because of his parents, and Christian, and Garrett, those things had been stolen from him. He was a good person in another universe, and Daisy could only hope her message, whispered into Deke’s ear as they had parted, would be enough to save him in a timeline so close to her own. 

Lincoln was supposed to have been it for Daisy. It wasn’t quite happily ever after - Lord knows that they fought, and they both had such incredibly short fuses, but they were an incredible match. She had been so convinced that this was the end for her, that Lincoln was the person she was going to marry, the person she was going to start a family of her own with after so, so many false starts. He wasn’t Prince Charming by a long shot, but they had been good for each other. Of course, he then had to go and Captain America himself, which nearly destroyed Daisy. She had never pegged Lincoln as the martyr type, but oh, how wrong she had been. 

She had been furious with Ward after he was gone - after everything had fallen apart, and the dust had settled - but she couldn’t make herself be angry at Lincoln. Instead, it had been an overwhelming self-loathing that had almost killed her, drowning in a sea of hatred. She had locked herself in the basement for a week, just so she could quake herself apart, break her bones over and over so they could heal properly, ruin herself as she had ruined the world. Just as she had ruined him. 

Daniel Sousa is not who she had expected when she’d first seen his photo. He was such a square...there really was no other way to put it. He was a good person, with good intentions - hell, he’d been two seconds away from sacrificing himself in the other timeline just so she could get back to her life and save the world. From the moment they had met, he had been nothing but kind and thoughtful towards her, even when they’d first met and he had no idea of who she was or her motives. He’d put his own life at risk to deliver Stark’s device despite their warnings to the contrary, carried her out of the barn when she’d been bleeding on one leg and no crutch, been there hundreds of times without question in the time loop, and come along on the quinjet without question. It helped that he was also insanely attractive, with the kind of eyes that Daisy used to call the ‘spy smolder.’ It was borderline infuriating how perfect he was for her, how even the fact he had been willing to sacrifice himself didn’t bother her beyond the fact that they would have been separated. It’s the last thought in her mind before she drifts off to sleep. 

She doesn’t know how long it’s been when she wakes up next, but she still doesn’t have the energy to open her eyes, which is unfortunate considering everything sounds so loud and dangerous. It’s the bay doors, she knows, but she wishes it would stop, wishes her voice would work so she could tell them to turn it down, but she’s just so tired, and even though she can feel someone’s arms around her, it’s an absent hum - Coulson, she decides, must be carrying her, the lack of heartbeat almost unnerving if it wasn’t Coulson. He was her father. She was safe, that much she knew. She thinks May and Kora are taking, feels the vibrations in the air, but it’s still too loud with the screech of the bay doors (they must have taken a hit as they flew away from the blast zone, flew away from the wreckage she had caused) to determine what they’re talking about. 

There are footsteps a moment later - Sousa and Yoyo, she decides, Yoyo’s footsteps light and almost silent, Sousa’s heavier and almost imperceptibly uneven. Their voices confirm her suspicions as they approach. 

“Ay, Dios Mio. What happened? Is everything okay?” Yoyo’s farther, and she’s not whispering, but it’s drowned out by Daniel. She can feel his heart jackhammering, the vibrations washing over her one after another, barely slowing. 

“What the hell happened?” Daisy thinks Mack was saying something, can feel the deep rumble from his voice fade as Sousa’s voice breaks through their conversation - it’s not particularly loud, she thinks, but it carries so much weight that it’s impossible to ignore, and Daisy fights to open her eyes, manages to open them just a sliver. 

It’s all still blurry - she’s almost 90% sure she has a concussion, and her vision swims as she shifts slightly in Coulson’s arms, set on making them notice her, letting Daniel know that she’s ok, she’s here, she survived, they’ll be okay. Thankfully, he takes the hint, and he’s in front of her in a heartbeat, one hand hovering just inches from the side her face, the other going to her hands, clasping one with a reassuring pressure. 

“It’s over. It’s done. Daisy ended it.” She’s not sure who speaks then - if it's May or Kora - because her vision swims again, and her eyes slide shut, her body intent on getting rest - turns out dying takes something out of you, but she feels her body shifting, rocking as she’s transferred from Coulson’s arms to Daniel’s. His heart is still hammering insanely fast, but it feels like a lullaby now, and Daisy just rests her head against his chest and sleeps. 

She sleeps for three days, and Kora’s there when she wakes up. It’s terrifying for a moment, and Daisy hits the open button hard, but then Kora’s turning to her, smiling, and every muscle in Daisy’s body relaxes. The ache is still there, the pain of knowing it’s over, but the stinging pain is gone, melted away over the past days in the healing chamber. Kora’s there to steady her as she swings her legs over the edge, but the dizziness passes and Daisy walks the few steps over to a waiting chair alone, sinking into it gratefully. 

“You actually might want to go back into the healing chamber and pretend you hadn’t woken up yet - I think Sousa has left you a total of an hour the entire time you’ve been in there, he’ll be furious he wasn’t here.” Kora’s nervous, that much Daisy can tell, fidgeting with her hands like she’s not sure what to do, but she’s there, and Daisy knows that the first step is always the hardest, and she’s never been more grateful for her family, both biological and for the team. Adopted family didn’t even feel like a strong enough term to describe their bond. 

“Actually, I’m glad he isn’t. I imagine I look pretty gross right now.” Kora laughs at that, actually giggles, and Daisy can feel her heart expand with hope. 

“Well, if you want, I can fend him off long enough for you to shower if you feel up to it. I know the entire team is really eager to see you. There’s a lot you’ve missed in the last few days.” Daisy’s stomach drops to somewhere past her feet at that - she knew their time was dwindling, but all she can hope is that everyone is still here, that they’ve put off their plans at least long enough to say some approximation of a goodbye, even if it is a makeshift-drinks-in-the-bar-spies-goodbye they had once favored. 

She manages a nod and a smile, and Kora points her in the direction of the showers and her bunk before she heads in the other direction, no doubt to intercept Daniel and the others and tell them Daisy’s awake. Daisy stands in the same place for a little while, trying her very best not to cry, and then she goes. 

It’s been a while since Daisy’s been formally staying in the Lighthouse, but she knows where her bunk is, where, thankfully, a worn SHIELD Academy shirt and a pair of sweatpants are lain out. Daisy sends out a mental thanks to Simmons before she hops in the shower and scrubs off any remnant of the last few months, unmerciful in her attack. so her skin is almost raw as she steps out of the shower five minutes later, her hair drawn back in a simple braid she had managed even with the remaining soreness in her arms. 

She looks young, years younger than she feels, younger than she is - her 32nd birthday had passed a few days ago with no particular fanfare, she realizes, but then again, it’s hard to keep track of birthdays when you’re traveling through time and across actual galaxies. Daisy stares at herself in the mirror for a few moments longer, trying to remember when exactly she got the thin scar across her cheekbone across from where a thin bandage covers the latest cut, another scar to mark her journey. 

She breathes through the panic that blooms suddenly, threatening to pull her under, her hands gripping at the sink until she feels strong enough to leave the sanctuary of her room, go seek out the rest of the team, sort through the destruction she no doubt left in her wake. It takes a moment, but Daisy gets there, the same way she always gets there, shutting the door behind her with a determined click. 

The team is either talking or arguing when she appears in the doorway to the common room area of the Lighthouse, and Daisy finds she doesn’t have it in her right now to find out which. There’s Coulson, pacing back and forth, May leaning against a wall, and Mack and Yoyo sat in front of them on the couch, Mack’s hands steepled the way they are whenever he’s in deep thought. Kora’s perched on the arm of a chair slightly away from the rest of the team, but she’s there and she looks relaxed, and Daisy feels a sense of relief that her sister, at least, has found some sort of normalcy within this crazy family. Fitzsimmons is nowhere to be found, but Daisy can’t quite find it in herself to worry about that right now either, instead scanning the room until - oh, there he is, stretched out on one of the chairs, looking for all the world entirely relaxed and care-free. It startles Daisy to realize she knows better, can feel the tension running through him, can read him well enough to know something is just a little bit off, but she finds she really doesn’t mind. 

He’s changed in the first few days, which is somewhat bittersweet for Daisy - the blue shirt and slacks look had really grown on her in the hundreds of time loops, but this look, a light blue polo with another pair of slacks, it works just as well. No one’s noticed her yet, but Daisy finds she doesn’t really mind, just taking the time to stare at Daniel in the type of slack-jawed amazement she had always mocked two lifetimes ago when she had been Mary-Sue Poots. 

It’s only a second or two she gets to stare before May notices her, and then it all devolves into chaos. It’s happy chaos, a bear hug from Mack, brief squeezes from both Yoyo and May (which shocks Daisy into a whole minute of silence), a smile from Kora, and Daniel’s at her back the entire time, hovering without being overbearing, settling at her side once she finds a seat on the couch, turning to Coulson, who has been suspiciously silent the entire time. 

“I know what you’re going to say, Coulson, but if we’re going to do some whole tragic speech, then the whole team needs to be here, so either you call Fitzsimmons, or I get my concussed ass up and find them myself.” Her tone is light and joking, but Daisy’s not joking in the slightest, and Coulson knows it. A breeze hits her face for one brief moment, and then Yoyo’s speaking. 

“I told them you’re up. They’ll be here in a moment. They were a little busy.” It’s probably just Daisy’s imagination or her concussion, but there’s a smile playing at both Yoyo and Kora’s lips, and Daisy’s half-turned in her seat to mouth something at Daniel, get him to tell them to let her in on whatever game they’re playing or secret they all seem to share, but she doesn’t get that far, because Fitz and Simmons are standing in the doorway, and there’s a little very blonde girl standing between them. 

“No way.” Daisy doesn’t think her voice reaches above a whisper, but Simmons is nodding, and even from this distance, Daisy can see the tears in her eyes. 

“Daisy, this is Alya. Alya, this is…” Simmons trails off, seemingly too choked up to continue, and Fitz opens his mouth to take over, but he doesn’t get that far, because the little girl is running over to Daisy, hands outstretched in the same ‘up’ motion Daisy had seen dozens of her younger foster siblings do to their doting parents. 

“Auntie Daisy!” Her accent is Scottish, but the eyes are all Simmons, and it’s all Daisy can do to swallow past the lump in her throat and reach for the little girl, pulling her in as if checking that she’s actually real, that she’s there, that Fitzsimmons had a kid, and then Daisy’s head is shooting up to look at her best friends. 

Distantly, she can feel someone pluck Alya from her grasp, but her eyes are fully trained on the two geeky scientists she had met her first day at SHIELD when Ward had still been good, and May had been the scary pilot, and Coulson still hadn’t known about TAHITI. He’d been Fitz, and she’d been Simmons, he’d been tech, she’d been bio, and the three of them been inseparable since then. Across time, across galaxies, and now her best friends had a child, and Daisy doesn’t know what to do anymore, because they’re staring at her with the same look in their eyes. It’s been years and galaxies, but she has never felt more frozen than staring at the people she knows best in the world, knowing nothing will ever be the same way again. 

“You had a kid?” She can hear her voice breaking, but it’s still only them and her, and Simmons is openly crying, and even Fitz looks a bit teary-eyed, but he manages to nod, and Daisy’s out of her seat and across the room faster than she thought humanly (or, well, Inhumanly) possible, pulling them both in for what feels like the best group hug ever. They’re all crying now, but Fitz is trying so, so hard to hide it - it would have been comical if not for the fact that Fitzsimmons are parents, and they have a kid, and she looks so perfect. Daisy pulls back first to hug Simmons, who is making weak protests about Daisy still healing and her concussion but doing absolutely nothing to fend her best friend off or steer her back to the healing chamber.   
“You’re a mom, Jemma. The best mom ever, I imagine, considering how good of a friend you’ve been to me over the years.” Daisy’s ugly-crying and not even trying to hide it, and neither is Jemma, who manages to sniffle out some approximation of a laugh and fans herself before she can compose herself enough to say anything. 

“She’s my everything, Daisy. The star in my sky.” Daisy’s vision is blurred by all the tears, but she manages to tackle Fitz in a hug, and even though Fitz huffs at it, rubbing her back slightly awkwardly, she can feel him crying too, shaking with barely restrained sobs, and when she pulls back, he gives her a watery smile. 

“I am so, so proud of you, Leopold Fitz.” Fitz has been galaxies and lifetimes away far too many times to count, but Fitzsimmons is everything to her, and she clutches onto him even tighter, and thankfully, Fitz seems to get the message, slinging one arm around her shoulders and pulling her against him again before turning her gently to face the rest of the team. Coulson is looking on with the world’s biggest smile, and while Kora looks slightly uncomfortable, May, Yoyo, and Mack all look teary-eyed. Daniel is holding Alya, to Daisy’s surprise, and he whispers something in the little girl’s ear which makes her giggle before waving enthusiastically at her parents and Daisy, which makes Daisy dissolve into yet another round of tears. When Simmons has finally managed to stop hiccupping with tears, she turns back to Daisy, and suddenly, Fitz is by her side and everything feels serious again. 

“We named her after you, Daisy. Alya is a star, my favorite, but it means sky. I know you don’t go by Skye anymore, but that’s who you are when we met. When we became friends. I hope that’s alright.” Simmons looks almost nervous, and Fitz is definitely crying again, but Daisy only has eyes for their little girl, and suddenly, even for just a moment, everything feels as if it's going to be alright. 

It only lasts a little bit, of course, because nothing good ever lasts for long with this team, but it's a glorious sliver of time. Daniel is incredible with kids, and he and Alya seem so taken with each other that Fitz seems almost put-out by it, pouting slightly at the display between the man out of time and his daughter. 

As was expected by a Fitzsimmons kid, she loves everyone, and though she is showered with attention, she still reaches for each of the team members that hover just beyond reach or hesitate, including Kora, until they’re all sitting next to her on the floor. Daisy is so full of emotion she’s sure she’d burst given any more happiness, and it’s almost a relief when Simmons picks up her daughter and declares ‘naptime’. Daisy’s not sure what happens next, but she’s glad that Alya at least exists, that something so good has come out of all this. 

The mood sombers considerably almost the second Jemma’s footsteps fade down the corridor, and the team settles back into their positions, Coulson pacing at the front of the room. 

“OK, I know I was asleep for a while, but please at least tell me there’s still a world above our heads.” It’s a classic Skye joke, but nobody laughs, Daniel at least providing the comfort of a nod and a small smile that helps Daisy breathe a little bit easier.

“I know Enoch said this was our last mission together, and I know that’s daunting for all of us. I also know that this team is a family, and we wouldn’t split up lightly. In the time that you’ve been asleep, Daisy, there’s been some developments. Mack is still technically Director of SHIELD, and there have been several calls by the higher-ups for him to return. Mack, how do you feel?” Daisy feels cold all over, but she turns to the massive mechanic beside her anyway, trying not to look as devastated as she feels. 

“SHIELD still needs me. There’s a lot to be fixed up above, and a whole hell of a mess the Avengers left. As long as I can be of service, I plan to be.” Mack’s not looking at Daisy, but she can feel his voice crack, and it suddenly feels hard to breathe. 

“I’m going with him. With my powers back, I can be of use to SHIELD as well. There are lots of improvements to be made, and I’ve always been happiest where the action is.” Yoyo’s voice comes from somewhere just beyond Mack, but Daisy’s still frozen staring at her friend, feeling the very fabric of the last decade come unraveled beneath her.

“Both Coulson and I have been offered positions at the new SHIELD Academy.” May’s voice is matter-of-fact and it does nothing to dull the sting, but Daisy turns to stare at her anyway. 

“Yeah, turns out while I was gone, Fury got a sense of humor and renamed it the Coulson Academy. Neither of us has accepted yet, but I think I’m going to take a sabbatical before I make any decisions.” Coulson turns to Daniel, and Daisy’s entire body stiffens - after everything, they can’t be separated - but Fitz talks instead. 

“Jemma and I have found a house. We don’t plan on fully stepping away, because you know we’ll be there if the world needs us, but our priority is Alya.” Fitz won’t meet Daisy’s eyes, but his tone is definitive, final as if this had all been decided for ages. It’s been three days, a voice in the back of Daisy’s head screams, but it’s drowned out by Simmons' own voice. 

“Our priority needs to be our family, which will always be this team, but if this team isn’t together, then we’ve decided to put our focus elsewhere.” Daniel’s hand goes to Daisy’s back at that, and she remembers to breathe, finally, twisting to stare up at Daniel. 

“Nick Fury reached out to me a few days ago. He has similar offers for both Daisy and Kora, but I told him we haven’t decided anything yet.” He’s gentle, at least, with his news, but all Daisy can feel is numb. She turns again, slowly, glacially, until she’s staring back at Coulson. The impossible survivor, the man who had given her chance, the man who had become her father, the man who was now staring at her like he wasn’t quite sure how to proceed next. 

“That’s really it, isn’t it? It’s over.” Daisy doesn’t give herself the blessing of crying. 

Instead, they all just sit together in silence, and Daisy is sure she can feel them slipping away already.


	2. once in twenty lifetimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisy says goodbye to May and reflects on her time with the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this was supposed to be a goodbye to everyone but there is WAY too much material so hopefully, next chapter will be mack, yo-yo, and maybe fitzsimmons??????? we'll see. i just got tested for COVID (i'm feeling totally fine) so no promises on when the next chapter will be up (if i'm in quarantine there'll be more time to dedicate, but i'm also starting a knitting project because i'm me)

Their last day as a team arrives far too quickly for Daisy’s liking - they take a week to patch up their cracks and heal their bruises, bathe in the last few days as a team, as a family, to get to know Alya (who is, of course, the most adorable kid Daisy has ever met), but they don’t have all the time in the world anymore. They barely have any time at all, as it turns out because SHIELD doesn’t stop calling Mack, and eventually, a day is set, and it’s so, so close. 

There’s a dinner before they’re all supposed to go their separate ways, and Daisy has no idea who cooked it - as far as she knows, they’re all pretty mediocre at cooking, but the meal is delicious, and the dinner is everything she ever wanted in a family. They’re all loud, and she’s sure the Chronicoms they’re still housing in the base only two floors down are entirely confused, but Daisy can’t find it in herself to care. 

Coulson sits at the head of the table, unsurprisingly, but he’s engaged in a full-on tech debate with Fitz even Daisy can’t fully follow, which is so ironic. When they’d first met, Daisy could say anything even remotely techy longer than five letters, and Coulson would just nod and give the ‘go-ahead’, and now he’s apparently fluent in binary, and it’s been decades and light-years and still, this feels like the biggest surprise of them all. 

Alya is squirming and reaching for her mother, but she’s firmly trapped in Fitz’s lap, and Simmons just wiggles her fingers at her daughter - she looks the happiest Daisy has seen her look in years, and suddenly, Daisy’s trapped in a moment of nauseating guilt. 

When she’d met the team, she’d been an orphan. A loner. She’d joined the Rising Tide because it seemed like there at least she’d have a community, a common goal, but even Miles had just been ‘any shelter in the storm,’ and they’d never really had a genuine connection. As Skye, she’d spent hours curled up in the corner of her van, trying her best to convince herself that life was easier without ties, easier to change, and grow without anyone tying you down. 

Her entire life had changed the minute Ward had pulled that bag over her head and Coulson pulled her into another world. Even when she’d been spying, trying to find the information she thought necessary to bring SHIELD to its end (which turned out to be unnecessary, thank you very much, Agent Romanoff), she couldn’t deny the overwhelming feeling of family. It was a dysfunctional family, sure, because they had May and Coulson, who could barely even speak to other about the things that truly mattered, Ward, who was literally a Nazi, and Fitzsimmons, who were so in love with each other even then it was almost painful to watch. They’d been a family anyway, jagged at the edges as they were. 

Their family had only grown to include Trip, Bobbi, Hunter, Lincoln, Mack, Yo-Yo - the list goes on and on, and there are countless losses and heartbreaks to go alongside them, but sitting here, with the family that she had chosen and had chosen her, all Daisy can feel is guilt for all the torn-up broken glass sadness that cuts away at her insides because this family gave her everything, and she is wallowing in her pain. Ward had called her self-serving once, and suddenly, the guilt and sadness are overpowered by some irrational need to prove her old S.O. wrong. 

It takes a minute to shake herself out of the stupor even with her newfound desire to leave only happy memories when she looks back at their last moments together, and her eyes slide to Mack and Yo-Yo next, sitting so close together. Mack’s staring back at her with an all-too-knowing smile, but Daisy matches it in stride, quirking an eyebrow in a silent challenge before Mack laughs and ducks his head in an easy defeat. Kora is quiet next to May across from Daisy, but she’s smiling, and Daisy decides to take it as a win - everything’s been so complicated with them lately, and as long as her sister is happy, she’s not going to push it right now. 

When they’d first met, it had been impossible for Daisy to read May, even as Fitzsimmons and Ward and Coulson had given her little insights into the infamous Cavalry. It still takes concentration - she’s Daisy’s S.O. for a reason - but Daisy can tell that May’s slightly overwhelmed. She’s adjusting to the whole empathy thing, and there are so many emotions in the room she seems to be operating at half-speed trying to absorb them all, but she’s smiling and talking to Kora in hushed tones; they decided it would be best for Kora to spend a month at the new SHIELD Academy under May’s instruction, learning how to control her power and adjusting to the 21st century, while Daisy would be taking over Daniel’s crash course to the modern-day. 

Daisy’s eyes slide to Daniel's last. She hasn’t been particularly focused on him throughout dinner, more determined to memorize the shape of May’s smile, the sound of Mack’s laugh, the feeling of Fitzsimmons arguing lovingly, but still, it’s almost as if every cell in her body is so, so aware of him. He’s laughing at Fitz and Alya, talking to Simmons across the table, and then his eyes slide to Daisy and oh. Oh. Daisy’s profession is lying, but the honesty in his gaze, open affection shining back at her, makes her breath catch in her throat before she smiles back. 

“Everything good over there, Tremors?” Mack is laughing again, but Daisy can’t even find in herself to be ashamed, instead electing to stick her tongue out at her partner, which everyone dissolves into giggles at. 

“Honestly. Did we teach you kids nothing about table manners?” May’s voice is still slightly strained - there are so many emotions in Daisy alone right now she’s surprised May is doing as well as she is, but Daisy smiles at May, the widest smile she can muster, and even though she can feel her eyes welling up with tears again, they don’t fall. 

“Oh, bloody hell. She’s the Destroyer of Worlds everybody, but she hasn’t changed a bit. I mean, one of our first missions, with freaking Ward, when we first made the ICER - he had this ridiculous thing about the ICER being an ounce too heavy. That’s how we bonded, the three of us, making fun of that lunatic.” They haven’t told that story in years, normally just the thought of Ward making Fitz red in the face, but he’s joking now, hands pressed lightly over Alya’s ears - she’s definitely still too young to be learning about Grant Ward of all people, but Daisy and Simmons are laughing so hard they’re practically crying at the memory, and Simmons puts her hands on her hips and does the impression, and it’s ending, tomorrow morning, but Daisy suddenly thinks that if it ends with this, she can live with that. If it ends like this, it’s really not that bad. 

It’s terrible, actually, and Daisy can feel it from the moment her eyes slide open to stare at the ceiling of her bunk. It’s far too early, but she’d promised May they’d do tai chi together before May and Kora had to leave, and while she’s grown to love the rhythmic exercise, even the idea of leaving her bed and facing this day seems far too daunting. She’ll never forgive herself if she doesn’t go through with this, though, and so she manages to drag herself out of bed and to the small bathroom off her bunk. The person staring back in the mirror is almost unrecognizable - the blonde in her hair as grown out considerably, and if she wasn’t so trash at bleaching her hair she’d give it her own hand, because her roots are past her ears now, and the balayage look isn’t working with the brassy tones taking over the dyed sections. There’s a cut on her lip that’s still healing, even though any trace of her other injuries is almost entirely gone, except for one cracked rib that’s going to take a while to fully mend. 

It’s a thousand times better now that the chill is gone - the first few days, even in the healing chamber, Daisy hadn’t been able to stop shivering. Simmons had declared it a natural side effect of being exposed to the vacuum of space, and well, dying, but it had been so bad they’d been forced to dial up the temperature about a thousand degrees, bury Daisy in blankets, and in one slightly awkward encounter, have Sousa crawl in bed with her. 

She winces thinking of it - it had been the first night she’d been allowed back in her own bunk, and Daniel had just been passing by to check on her (of course, his edges literally couldn’t be straighter if he tried - Daisy’s 98% convinced there’s a picture of him next to the word square in the dictionary), and found her shivering, clammy mess under her massive comforter. In absolutely predictable fashion, with only slight hesitation (because Daniel’s still a man out of time, and they may have kissed twice, but she’s pretty sure no one’s given him a crash course to modern dating, and them being in a bed together is weird to him), he’d slipped into the bed beside her - they’d both been fully clothed, and he was a veritable furnace next to her. Daisy’s pretty sure her teeth were chattering, but he grabbed her hands (which are like mini ice buckets at this point) and rubbed them between his own, which felt like someone had lit a match and thawed her from the outside in. He lay with her for a while, just her tucked against him until she’d drifted off to sleep, and when she’d awoken, he’d been gone, although he’d been there with breakfast and an easy smile in the morning. 

Daisy’s pulled back into the present with a jolt by the quick rap of knuckles against her door, and then May’s voice, all business. “Daisy, if you’re not in the gym in the next five minutes, I will personally make sure Nicholas Fury has your phone number.”

It’s a half-assed threat coming from May, who has much stronger blackmail on her side, but it gets Daisy moving nevertheless, pulling on her typical workout gear with only a few winces here and there as the fabric slides against a still-healing scrape or her arms or legs stretch just a little too much, but she’s in the gym, snapping her hair tie into place, in only three minutes. 

May looks up with a small smile and a nod from where she’s stretching on one of the two mats laid out, and Daisy’s heartstrings ache at the sight. When she’d first joined the team, she’d spent three months peeking around steel beams or walls to watch May’s tai-chi sessions. Back then, Ward had been good, and Fitzsimmons had been awkward, and May and Coulson weren’t talking, not about the things that had mattered. She’d watched May’s tai-chi then, as Skye, hated her just a little bit, but wanted to be her even more, and believed the stories about the Cavalry above everything else. Now, Daisy sees May as her mother - a better one than Jiaying has ever been, brief moment in the bunker or not, and they’re doing tai-chi side by side. She knows May can feel her emotions, heavy and clouding her vision like heavy fog in dewy summer mornings, so instead, Daisy just steps forward and reaches forward. She can do this. 

The tai-chi isn’t particularly hard, even on Daisy’s healing body, and while she’s covered in a light sheen of sweat, there’s no heavy weight pressing down on her limbs as she rolls up her mat and turns to May. 

“When do you and Kora have to leave?” The question is neutral, innocent, and Daisy’s voice doesn’t even waver, but May sends her a knowing look anyway, and steps back to the side of the room, half-shadowed in the industrial lighting, away from the mat. 

“Not for a little while.” Daisy’s hearing has never been as good as May’s or Ward’s, but she can hear the light footsteps behind her, and she smiles, a small, private smile she tucks into herself before she pivots lightly, landing in a fighting pose. Kora’s only a few feet away, clearly surprised from being heard already, but she drops into an identical pose, waiting for Daisy’s cue. Daisy turns her head lightly, smiles at her S.O. 

“I haven’t sparred with an Inhuman in a while.” It’s a statement more than it is a question, but they’re still both healing - Kora’s powers had been almost entirely drained by Nathaniel and healing Daisy, and Daisy’s not cleared for fieldwork yet. 

“No, but as long as you both take it easy and no powers, you’ll be fine.” May leans back against the beam behind her, and the two sisters go at it. 

They’re evenly matched - Kora’s still holding back, clear remnants of her fear etched in the lines of her punches and kicks, and while Daisy has the upper hand in terms of experience and technique, she’s still sore from dying, and it turns into almost a full 45 minutes of them just hitting out and circling. No powers make it a drawn-out process, and while neither of them tires as easily, considering their DNA, by the time May finally steps out on the mat to call it quits, Daisy’s shoulders slump with relieved exhaustion. 

“Fists up, Daisy. Always. Kora, your form is good, but you’re hesitating. Holding back. We’ll be addressing that at the academy - the less comfortable you are, the more control your powers are going to have over you.” Both sisters nod - May’s called the Cavalry for a reason, and she’s been the best S.O. Daisy could ask for. There’s no one more qualified to teach her sister, but May’s also a mother to her. Even if she wasn’t the Cavalry, Daisy would want her there to support Kora. 

Somehow, there’s a shuffle and a shift in the mood - May directs one glance at Kora, who smiles and gives a small wave to Daisy and promises to come to say goodbye before they leave, and then it’s only May and Daisy left in the gym. There’s an undeniable lump lodged in Daisy’s throat again - she doesn’t want to say goodbye to any of them, but saying goodbye to May first is its own particular kind of cruelty. Daisy can see the flash of her own apprehensiveness reflected in May’s eyes, but May fights it down with an almost expert steel control. 

“Where are you going to go?” Daisy’s voice doesn’t quite break - she’s proud of herself for that tiny win, but it’s a thousand times harder to see the small twitch of agony break through on May’s face. 

“SHIELD Academy’s up and running again. It’s a teaching job, not a lot of action, but with this much emotion running rampant, I’m not going to be much use in the field. Fury figures I could do some good for young kids. Keep an eye out for any future Fitzsimmons', help someone like Ward keep their head above water. If I’m lucky, maybe I’ll find a mini-you.” May’s voice is dry, but Daisy’s laugh is wet with tears and emotion and so, so many years together.

“I hope not. You’ll have your hands full enough with my sister.” Daisy knows May can tell what she’s thinking, can actively feel what she’s feeling, but she’s still trying so hard to bite it back, choke it all down. She trusts May completely, but a small part of her will always see the older agent as she did her first day on the Bus. Emotions had not been what had made her strong then, and while Daisy has learned better since then, it still feels like a small betrayal to be falling apart like this. 

“Daisy.” Daisy hasn’t even realized her eyes are filled with tears until May calls her name and Daisy blinks hard, tears clearing as they attempt a roll down her cheeks. 

“Sorry. I’m fine. It’s not- it’s nothing.” She can tell May doesn’t believe her, but she needs her to, desperately. She needs to get through this conversation without either of them completely losing it, and this is just her clinging to the last vestiges of that hope. 

“Daisy.” May’s voice is firmer this time, the kind of tone that brooks no argument, the kind of voice Daisy used to hear every day for her first few months on the Bus. May heads for the chairs at the side of the gym without a second glance, and Daisy follows. It’s all she can do not to trip over her feet - Daisy’s never been particularly good with navigation, but it’s like she can feel her sense of smell going, except it’s her sense of direction instead. Without this team, without these people, she feels as if she’s been stranded at sea with no compass. 

“I’m sorry.” It’s all Daisy can manage to push out, but May just rolls her eyes, beckons for Daisy to sit across from her. It feels like some elaborate set-up, some staged an intervention to talk Daisy off the ledge she feels like she’s been hanging off of ever since she had woken up and found her team splintering apart in her hands, but May has never cared for tricks. 

“Daisy, look at me. When I met you, you were a kid scared out of your wits just looking for a family and some direction. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like I was in a much better place, but what I am trying to say is that you have come so, so far, in the time we have known each other. What I am doing now is what is best for me. The universe doesn’t need me to protect it, but if you feel like it needs you, then you do that. Trust your gut. You are so, so capable. You don’t need the Cavalry anymore.” It’s a weak attempt at a joke, but it’s May, and any attempt at a joke feels like a miracle, and it’s all Daisy can do to not dissolve on the spot, instead just biting at her tongue to keep quiet and nodding. 

“I am so, so proud of you, Daisy. I will be proud of you no matter what you do, no matter where you go, no matter who you go with, but mostly I’ll be proud of the woman you have become.” There’s no ‘I love you,’ like there had been with Coulson when he had first died, but it’s May, and somehow this means even more, so Daisy just hugs her and tries not to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was kind of a mess but i wanted to get it done and out into the world so here it is

**Author's Note:**

> this was the easiest first chapter ever but that may all change soon we'll see
> 
> as always, find me on tumblr @emma-laurennn with all your thoughts, comments, and ideas!!


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